I believe I mentioned this before, but until last year with y'all, I had not really experienced genuine Christian community. DG just didn't seem like a community that I could fully open up everything to... not quite sure why. But with our church small groups now one month old, I'm starting to feel that again. I can share the troubles and struggles that I'm having very openly again, and it makes them feel that much lighter. They've also been extremely helpful in giving advice on how to proceed with the matter that I mentioned earlier (the one that was driving me crazy? Still is? :P) seeing as how they all know her better than I. I don't think I've felt like this about a girl... well... felt like THIS... ever in my life and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to proceed from here or how to build a relationship without making it WAY obvious >_>
My spiritual life has also been in rather steep decline. Even though the whole purpose of my taking a non-business related internet fast was to spend more time with my devotinals, I didn't end up doing that. In fact, I think the last time I sat down and had a proper time of prayer an devotional was months ago. It's terrible.... and actually the thought that comes to mind is that I should be doing something along those lines instead of blogging, but I did promise y'all a more comprehensive update of my life. The small group is probably the biggest present thing that has helped me on (refinding my motivation for school and all... it's so important to surround yourself with godly people....)
This summer, I'm going to be staying home in Toronto from may-june, working, and preparing for my LSAT. I'll be heading out to Kingston on June 10th (any word on that yet Jess or Chara?) and writing it at St. Michaels College or something like that on the 11th of June 2007. Probably the biggest test of my life (next to the bar)... and if I don't do well at this, I probably won't be able to get into any law school in Toronto because my marks are going to be absolutely dismal this semeseter (dismal by my standards anyway.... and by the law school standards.) It's starting to stress me out, and yet at the same time, I need to just study hard, do my best, and trust that the LORD will be with me as I write the exam to guide my mind and thoughts to be able to pick out the right answers. And yet I still stress. I feel like the father who brought his son to Jesus to have the demon cast out... "if you can...." he asks. My request is the same as his - I believe... help my unbelief.
I'm really tired right now (as I'm sure you've ascertained by this point by the way this post rambles everywhere) so I'm going to go to sleep... I got three hours of sleep last night and crammed so much calculus into my head (a whole courseloads worth as a matter of fact) in the matter of 13 hours that I'm completely exhausted. I really need to start my next assignment and get that done ASAP so I have the time to properly prepare for my next exam... but I'm in no state to do any of that yet.
Now I'm just complaining :P So I hope all is going well with you in terms of assignments and exams, and may the unforeseen circumstances turn out to be in your favour. (I haven't actually said that since Brad first came up with it :P)
2 comments:
Well Jon, I'll be praying for you. Sometimes it's tough to stay close to God and faithful in our devotions. I have to say I have been lacking in that area lately too, but lucky for us God is so good, and forgiving...:)
Here is one suggestion. I remember a little over a year ago that my prayer life was really dismal - my friend and I talked about it, and we agreed we should meet up once a week in the evening to pray together. AT the very least, I was spending a solid hour a week in the Lord's presence in prayer - and it was worth it.
Sometimes its just hard to bring yourself to do something alone, but when someone is physically present with you, it holds you accountable, and you can both agree to meet up at least once a week (hopefully more frequently if schedules permit) and just study the word. You could each do your own devos, or you could pick a passage to read and meditate upon individually, and then discuss and pray through afterwards.
Exam time is probably one of the easiest times to start, because you don't have classes to attend and conflicting schedules. Maybe you could do this with a house mate or someone close by. Doesn't have to be long - probably want to keep it under 30 minutes, given all the other studying you do.
Speaking of studying, I have a long day ahead of me.
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